name.I rolled into a dirty city with more neon signs than all of Bangkok barring the Khao San Road - eventually battled past the marauding tuk tuk drivers and got the bus to Kata beach. The beach was nice, white sand, lots of amenties close to hand but the hotel was awesome.
So after sharing rooms with cockroaches, views of the stars, dirty marks and stains I won't talk about... it was a full 7 days of long buffet breakfasts, lazing by the pool (a choice of 3) and on the beach, playing tennis, squash and chilling out with Star Movies and Star Sports
on TV... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.On my last trip to Thailand, I was lucky enough to bear witness to one of the Thais festivals in Chiang Mai, in which floating candles were released in their hundreds into the night skies above parading streets. Then, Nick and I heard was another festival in April - celebrating the Thai new year that sounded much more fun; and this time round, I would get to take part in the festivities. Instead of just getting drunk and then making a resolution that you never keep, the
Thais wash away all the bad spirits that have gathered over the year - by holding the mother of all water fights. On Wednesday night (the first evening of Songkram), I was daubed with white powder by some guys on the street. On Tuesday morning, I looked more like a Mime artist than the well tanned traveller that I am!Time for revenge, I set out on the street armed with my 1.5 litre calibre super soaker 5000, and 4 pre-filled water bombs. As I left the Hilton with combat shorts and 3 huge fluroescent rifles, I wondered how many more times in my lifetime I might walk past suited businessmen in such attire.
Out on the streets it was time to get dirty. An 8 year old with an Uber-Uzi, supersoaker with a 2.2litre backpack pump action water fed canon was trying to rip me up on his turf, a pink water bomb in the face put paid to him. No amount of water could hide the tears. I look up and Charlie was everywhere, like when I was back in 'Nam. I ran around the corner, passed the Seven Eleven, the chick behind the counter knew I was trouble and gave me a passing glance before sliding the steel shutters down on the front of the store. I should have been more careful, as whilst my attention was diverted, two Thai women grabbed me, securing my firearms and kissing me with bright red lipstick leaving their marks firmly on my Western cheeks. The enemy would know my weakness now. Within minutes I'd taken hits from powder bombers. Little old dears trained in the old art of wet-hand-talcum-powder-slapping. Marcel Marceau eat your heart out. There was no question "there's no 'I' in team" a teacher once told me, I was gonna have to join forces if I was gonna get to eat another Thai Green Curry.
Based outside one of the rival hotels, I found all the ammo I needed, and some state of the art plastic tubs designed to offload 3 litres of H2O in the direction of any passing tuk tuk, motorcycle or cyclist.
I enjoyed head shot after head shot, I even managed to sneak in a heavy shot to the back of a sealed unit carrying enemy civs in their 'going-out' clothes... my smile was too great, and in seconds, I was caught napping from behind. The deadliest weapon of them all - the hose pipe - rammed against my kidney, spraying droplets everywhere. I was finished. Man down.***
Jerry's Final Thoughts: A lotta folks got very wet in the making of this story. You should honour their braveness by taking a trip to Thailand for a Songkram festival. You won't regret it.
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